Les Halles Chocolate Mousse, plus Douche of the Week!

Before we start talking about and salivating over that amazing creation up there that Elliot has devised and submitted, I'd like to introduce an exciting new category of Hezbollah Tofu: Douche of the Week!

Here's the thing--I started out deleting and/or dealing with the small but irritating number of douchey comments and emails by myself, but hey, this is a collective effort, right? So from now on the people who blight my lovely inbox full of yummy recipes and sweet thoughts from adorable people with lame-ass messages will have their names, comments, and email addresses posted. Fun!

Thus, this week's Douche of the Week is Tim, aka blink.vt@gmail.com. Congratulations, Tim! Tim says:

"I love your website. It gives me and my friends something to laugh about as we eat our big plates of cow flesh and organ meat.

'salad is what food eats'

cheers.

tjd"

Cheers indeed, my good Tim! Tell me sir, whither art thou mother, and is she wont to bring thou more pizza rolls to thy basement abode?

Another quick order of business, regarding this post on The Jew and the Carrot and the general whisperings of offensiveness that have been surrounding the Hezbollah Tofu name. Dudes: we know it's offensive. That is the point. It's meant to call attention and mockery to the absolute ridiculousness of Anthony Bourdain earnestly comparing vegans to the freakin Hezbollah. A few people have expressed hope that the resulting cookbook will not be called Hezbollah Tofu just for the sake of not giving anyone the wrong impression, and that is totally cool with me. When the time comes we'll all vote on a name that kicks just embarrassing amounts of ass.

And now the fun part! Submitter Elliot was awesome enough to veganize the Les Halles chocolate mousse recipe this week, and the results make me want to feign a sudden case of the flu, go home and make this immediately, and spend the rest of the day getting chocolate all over my pajamas. Please note that this recipe calls for a box of Soyatoo, not a can (which reminds me, where is that commenter Matt guy who went on that hackneyed Bourdain-esque tirade about the silken tofu in the creme brulee? He should totally see this one and wow us once more with his high-school-freshman command of lofty prose). Said box is available here if you can't find it at your friendly neighborhood health food store.

Chocolate Mousse
(or: The Profligate Superfluous Colloquial Downfall of Matt;
Alternate title: Big Words Don't Mean You Suck Less.)

Ingredients:
5-6 oz chocolate
2 tbs. sugar
1 box Soyatoo Soy Whip
1 1/2 tbs. Ener G egg replacer
4 tbs vegan soy/vegetable shortening
A few Mint sprigs (optional garnish)

The tools you'll need:
3 mixing bowls
1 small pot
Electric mixer
Rubber spatula

1) Bring a small amount of water to boil in a small pot, place mixing bowl over the water. Chop chocolate up and put in the bowl adding the vegan shortening, add sugar and stir contents together as they melt. Once they have melted, set the bowl on counter to let the contents cool down.

2) Empty Soy Whip from box into a second mixing bowl and mix with the electric mixer for 10 minutes, or until the Soy Whip is light and fluffy (one needn’t worry about over mixing).

3) In the third mixing bowl combine egg replacer with 1/2 cup of warm water using the electric mixer until the contents are fluffy.

4) Using a rubber spatula, add egg replacer to chocolate and fold contents together.

5) Add 2/3 of Soy Whip to chocolate and fold together.

6) Use the remaining 1/3 of the Soy Whip as a whipped topping on the mousse, and garnish with a mint sprig.

Makes 2 generous mousses, or 3 or 4 smaller portions. It's pretty rich, so you might have left-overs, but not for long.
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